onsdag 31. desember 2008

søndag 27. april 2008

And I still miss someone...

You may have wondered where I've been. I have been inside. Inside me . I have discovered my own core in order to maintain balance.
If one wants balance, he or she can not be dependent of anyone. You can share on others but not lean on them --- Trust is wonderful. The first one to trust is oneself.
This is why I am letting go. I need other people to find their own balance, and I need to stand firmly grounded on my own two feet and in my own energy.
It is spring. It is time for a new start, and a new chapter in my life!
Yes, I still miss someone. When I have filled myself up, I may have room for others again !

fredag 14. mars 2008

With closed eyes

I see you
when I close my eyes
I feel your anxiety
and your darkness
I feel your longing
and the fear of comforting
When you too
close yours-
We are two in loneliness.

tirsdag 4. mars 2008

You are just a blogger - but I miss you!

See what blogging does to you. Well it is no doubt it forms friendships.
I have not been blogging much, due to new work with long hours, plus the fact that I'm working on a few book projects - one is finally sent to publisher! Wish me luck...
I promised myself to use some of my writing capacity to produce bigger works than blog posts and that is what I have been working on.
The blogs in my favourite list are usually visited by me on a daily basis. I have tried to find time to maintain that habit, know that I read far more than I comment.
I miss you folks, not just as writers, but I miss your energy, and the dynamics between us. Isn't that strange, how one can establish a relationship of care, humour, friendliness, support with people you haven't even met "irl"?
This weekend I met one of my norwegian "blogmates" first time irl. It was a great experience. The dynamics between us were exactly as I had imagined. We had a lot to talk about - such an imaginative, giving, deep-thinking person! It had me think --- irl friendships are NOT so illusive in most cases.
I miss you guys - don't give up on me ! ;)

lørdag 16. februar 2008

The Devil in Me

You love my halo and you love my wings
You love me for all of those sweet little things
But you have to know that I also do fail
If you really like me - love also my tail
If you really love me - then see my obsession
If you really want me - accept my posession
Your blood and your heart is what I want to eat
You have the force that I need to defeat
So please, come on in, let us have a fresh start
For twenty-five minutes- till death do us part.

fredag 15. februar 2008

Killer Whale

I found the perfect way of exercising for me. Swimming! I can keep up and I can compete. A wonderful thing that I don't have to carry my own body weight.
Me and one of my friends have been swimming twice a week lately and yesterday we swam 1,5 kilometres! I think we are allowed to be proud of ourselves...
Thank God we have a indoor heated swimmingpool in the nearest town. Or else we would have to break through the ice to get to the water.
It is a great feeling to take care of one's own body.I am somethings doing great at it, and sometimes I am lousy. But what i DO know is that when I stay in and over-eat, it is because I am depressed, and this behaviour drags me further down. What I really need is to keep my routine on this. So now I will focus on this for a while, make sure that I move my body sufficiently and eat food that makes me feel good, not stuffed and heavy.
So maybe the orca will turn into a slim dolphin real soon :)

torsdag 7. februar 2008

9 to 5

New job. Four days a week, at a eatery. Cooking, waiting, cleaning, dishes, aaaaaahh!
It is a typical sagittarius thing - we totally deal with a routine job, we'll do ANYTHING, as long as it finances our next great idea, in my case establishing a small travel company and arrange trips to Egypt.
Everything in the Land of The Sun is ready. What takes time, and costs money, is the paperwork in Norway. And - still a sagittarius girl - I hate that! It feels like restriction and control. But I will do what I have to.
Don't get me wrong, I like my job. It is a social thing. The thing one learn most from, is other people, and that means ALL people, i don't just talk about teachers, parents, not just the old ones, the well educated or successful. But from children, the sick, the housewives, drug-addicts, anyone.
When you regard anyone life presents for you as an opportunity to learn, you will evolve very fast as a human being. You will become very compassionate, as you know how to identify with anyone and understand their situation.
There are all kinds of people and professions represented among the readers of my blogs. Some of them study, others work, some stay at home. Remember that whatever you do you are useful and unique. Remember that to me you are a teacher. And remember to stay "Always Open", so you don't miss out on the opportunities life presents for you.
Have a nice day all of you!

tirsdag 29. januar 2008

Blogs they are a-changin

And so is mine. Until now Bedouin Staircase has been a collection of inspirational texts. The last couple of months my blogging here has been really slow. That usually means it is time for change.
From now BS will take on more of a "Letter/ diary"- form. It will be less perfect, more personal, more alive I guess.
Confession-time: Who am I? I am Norwegian, working to move to Egypt, as my husband lives there. That leaves me on the middle of a bridge between cultures, continents and religion ... as if the gap between the sexes was not enough.
I am between jobs. I am establishing my own company, and while waiting to get started, I work with whatever I can get, bartending, cooking, teaching, writing. I am a passionate blogger. I am a compulsive eater - struggling to get well from that.
When in Norway, I live with my parents, who are very different from me. We have great difficulties understanding each other... My refuge is my cousin's house, he runs a camp site close-by. We like to have a glass of wine and a walk in the cool norwegian air.
I like to read. Today I finished one of the best books I have ever read and find myself in some kind of limbo, not knowing what to do.
Call my husband?
He didn't answer.
Hope you will like my blog as I take my mask off - honestly.

søndag 20. januar 2008

Art is everywhere

What do you see every day, that others may view as artwork? A lot, I think... Anything can be art, situations, decorations as here, facial expressions, animals, everyday objects...
A lot of us take the world around us for granted. But your everyday world can be exotic for bloggers around the world.
This photo is from the front of a motorboat that crosses the Nile near Luxor Temple, Luxor, Egypt. I cross with one of these boats almost every day when in Egypt, as I live on the opposite bank of the city centre. All the boats are richly decorated with humorous paintings and good wishes.
Here is a challenge for all of you --- post a picture of something that you see everyday, that you would like to show other bloggers from all around the blogosphere.

onsdag 2. januar 2008

The vikings are back!

New movement in Norway. The vikings are back!!
Through the last years there has been a growing interest for the old vikings. Everything is coming back, bit by bit, brought by committed people who are eager to learn from the ancestors.
They try to make everything authentic: The houses, the vessels, clothes, jewellry, tools, handcraft, food and beverage, not to mention the viking weapons and games, ceremonies and rituals.
But life is more easy for modern vikings. There is less pain and much more fun for us. This christmas I met my Viking Family for the first time, for the Christmas offerings. And in these sturdy persons I found wonderful spiritual personalities. A new door opened for me and I am so thankful that my friend Annhja brought me there.
Picture: The handsome Eldar, always working with his hands !

tirsdag 1. januar 2008

Something new for the new year

I have stopped making New Years resolutions a long time ago --- it is just not my thing I guess, I am already working out, already dieting and already environmentally concious. So this new year I have decided to , instead of changing habits, learning something new. Topic for the next six months?
i have bought the books already and have read some during christmas, soon I am ready to draw my first horoscope - my own of course.
Isn't that a great idea for presents by the way? A framed hand-drawn horoscope, and a book with the hand-written interpretation? I know that was something to make ME very happy! Well, we'll see how much work it is :)
Happy new year to all! Any of you promised yourself anything regarding the new year? January is often seen as the slim month. Eat less, exercise more and so on--- but do not forget to be good to yourself and the people around you.
Do not forget to celebrate life.
Download a free book, happy spiritual reading! :: http://www.waterbook.com/

mandag 24. desember 2007

Christmas Meditation

There is no limit to what you can concentrate upon when you meditate. A meditation is merely emptying your mind of everyday thoughts, and so you are allowing your subconcious mind and your higher self to speak, you are unlocking doors to your childhood memories and even past lives, after a while even humanity or the voice of God.

Some people simply meditate upon Nothing, Emptiness, Space, others have a mantra which they chant. You can also meditate upon pattern, spirits, nature phenomenon, the simpler the object the easier the concentration, and to come to a relaxed and inspired state of mind.
Yesterday, after christmas dinner, I went for a walk under the nearly-full moon and i meditated upon snow.
Snow is a wonderful carpet under which the earth can gather strength to achieve new growth in the spring. Like us, the souls, all snow crystals are unique, but equal. One snowflake seems not important, yet it is one of natures most beautiful masterpieces. Together the snowflakes makes a mighty mass that can give blessings or disasters.
One warm breath and the snowflake is gone - as is the human body. But it doesn't disappear --- it merely transforms into a drop of life-giving water, which is it's true nature. So do not fear death, you are simply part og the cycle. Next winter, you can fall as another snowflake - if you so choose.

lørdag 1. desember 2007

My name is independence

(Thank you Azrael for the idea for this post...)
I always had cats. I got my first one when I was four, at the same time I got a baby brother --- so I had something to be busy with, and I WAS busy. poor Martin was dressed up in babys clothes and carried around, always patient.
After this I have had a few cats. Tertit and Siri when I was a student. Sirianna and Tutti when I was a chef's apprentice. Frida, Frank and Marley when I was living with a freind two years ago.
My cat is my best friend. He is there not because I command him to but because he appreciates me. He is independent. He is wise, He teaches me trancendental medidation. He is divine. He reminds me that I am divine.
Marley on the picture says: "Put that stupid camera away and cuddle me!!"

torsdag 29. november 2007

Time Travel

It has been a dream for human beings "through all times"... How can we travel in time?

But I wonder... How can we NOT?

Because we have left the harbour and are sailing down the stream of time, second by second... I would not wish to travel faster at all.

I study the views on the banks of the world as I float by. I wawe and smile to others and invite some of them on board. We enjoy each others company. Some stay and others go.

Sometimes the stream rocks the boat in a soothing and comforting way. Sometimes we have to hold on for life or row to clear from rocks or banks.

But we move. We travel in time. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

tirsdag 27. november 2007

The WORD --- the most sacred of magic!

Take your time today to view this wonderful video, be inspired by the wisdom in the word and the beauty in the pictures. From ancient times the word, the power of voice and the art of eloquence has been a way to contact God within and without, and an evidence of our divinity.

Wake up and reach for your inner sun. Sing, speak and chant --- Be blessed---

(Thank you Eira!!)

søndag 25. november 2007


Close your eyes so you can see clearer
Lie down so you can rise.
Be alone so you can understand others.
Accept that you are a pupil, so that you can teach others.
See that you are small so you can expand.

tirsdag 20. november 2007

What do you know about me??

And what do your friends, family and co-workers know about you?? I have thought a lot about this lately, obviously my family are those who know least about me - to my surprise!

I have a female cousin my age, and we talked about this the other day - I was surprised to learn what kind of impression most members of my family have of me: Immature, lazy, impulsive and irresponsible!

It should not matter to me of course. But it does!! I was really heartbroken! How can I be irresponsible, ME, who work so hard to achieve my goals?

It seems THAT is exactly the problem! I should not chase my dreams, I should marry a norwegian farmer, settle for a 9-5 job, and raise 2,7 children, who will grow up to do exactly the same thing. I should SETTLE!

I am sorry, but for me that is not living, it is just surviving. It is not happiness, it is mediocricy.

What do you know about me? And why are you so eager to judge me? In the end it is not importand what your impression of me is. I will continue to pursue my goals - and I wish one day you'll do the same.

søndag 28. oktober 2007


Heimweh, it means longing for home. And that I do. I long for my beautiful new homeland Egypt. It is not always easy or nice to be far from everything and everyone you love.

I have now been on this trawler for almost five weeks, and on friday I go back to Norway. I was supposed to go directly to Egypt, but now I learned that I don't get paid for this trip until after christmas. So nothing to do but staying in Norway, work, work, work.

We are soon there, my husband and I. When we met three years ago, none of us owned anything --- now we have a place to live and a car, the one thing we need now is something to make an income from for both of us to stay full time in Egypt.

But it will come! We have come so far, so we'll hang in there and make it for ourselves, a safe and good life for our selves and our future family...

"Wahistini moot, habibi...!"

onsdag 24. oktober 2007

Sunflower Morning

An early morning by the sunflower field. I was sitting on a log in quiet conversation with my fiancé. I had his jacket over my shoulders, the air was a little chilly. We watched the sunrise. We should have been in bed a long time ago.

An old farmer with bare feet was working in the field. He was weeding his plants. After a while my friend shouted to him: "Hey grandfather, I can take my shoes off and help you with your work?" The old man shook his head friendly. It was not neccesary. But he could really use a cigarette?

He got his cigarette and two pounds to buy a packet. They always said to me : don't give anyone the finger they will steal the whole hand". But the young man who had so little, gave what he had to someone who had nothing. That morning he taught me how to share..

mandag 22. oktober 2007

Morning prayer

Thank you for universal love and light
that flows into me and through me
this day.
Let me be a blessing to the people I meet on my path.
Let my heart be open,
so that I can touch the hearts of others.
Let me be in touch with
the streams of my subconcious,
And the spheres of my higher self.
Today is a day where I will be ONE
with the waters of my emotions,
the wind of inspiration,
The fire of devotion and
My heritage from earth.
Thank you for this day of oneness.
For like all of us are raindrops
that reflect different colours in the raibow,
We are also all part
of the ONE mighty ocean.

lørdag 20. oktober 2007

Incarnation - Karnak



2005. Alone in a taxi to Karnak. I didn't understand why myself, alone to Karnak? Been there before. This was fourth time. Was I really so bored that I had to go there again? To a sight I had seen, already twice as many times as Vigelandsparken, the sculpturepark back home in Norway.

But never before alone. Always as a part of a group of tourists, who followed the guide much like a flock of ducklings behind mothers tail. I found Karnak temple strangely empty. I stood alone in front of the first pylon between the royal criosphinxes, og and the emotions came flowing like a giant wave.

I gasped for breath and the lump in my troath dissolved into tears. The river from my eyes were seemingly endless as the Nile. An old man came walking towards me in the hypostyle hall. I didn't want to see him, wanted to be alone, but he said, "Excuse me, lady, I just want to pray?" He placed my right hand over his heart,and now both of us were crying.

He bowed respectfully and left me.


Thousands of years earlier. Karnak is my home and my work. Karnak is my life. Both sunrise and sunset belongs to the mighty Amun, and we are priviliged who are chosen to serve Him on this Most Glorious of Places, Amuns Home on Earth. I am a craftsman, and so are my brothers. We have given our lives to Karnak, praise to Amun-

Pharao is dead. Yhe young king calls himself Son of the Sun. It is smoke, ruins and revolution. We are denied to serve Amun. Don't they understand that denying Amun is to deny life? Why would we want to live a few short years in i falseness just to be devoured by Ammut, doomed because our heart would be too heavy for Maat.

We are bringing Amun with us, hiding from the chaos. We will serve him in secret. Just the youngest of us, the architect, was not able to leave his works. My eyes are dry, my soul is a dead desert. But my brothers say; if you ever lay your eyes on Karnak again, your tears will flow..., because the home of your soul has been ruined by vandals.

tirsdag 16. oktober 2007

For Ever and Never

She is standing on a grave with white roses in her hands. She kneels down in the wet snow and places the flowers in front of his name, and says to herself... "It is half of my soul down there, down in the ground, under this stone. Her skirt is soon soaked, she gets wet and cold but doesn't really feel it, her spirit is with him, that is lost and forever gone.

She feels sleepy and maybe she's dreaming when his warm hands touches her shoulders and his familiar voice rings in her ears. "You've been sitting here for hours. Get up. I am not here waiting for you".

Nobody there of course. But now she felt how cold and stiff she were, and started slowly to walk towards home. A warm shower and a nap was just what she needed.

He came to her again in the sleep. She knew he was just an illusion, but she couldn't stop her tears from running down her face. He smiled at her and stroked her forehead, she felt that the sun had entered the room and filled her with light and comforting love.

"I know you feel like giving up," he said lovingly, "but now that I have left, it is even more important that you stay, and that you are strong. Now I need you to live for both of us. I will give you my thoughts, my skills and my strength. Well that is a real good artillery I tell you...!"

He walked out of the room backwards and again she was alone, not so sure now that it had been a dream. But she felt certain that she had received a message from him, the one who was hers, --- forever and never again---

fredag 12. oktober 2007

The Train Journey

We didn't know that you could fly from Cairo to luxor in less than an hour. For the sake of Allah - it was our first time in Egypt, and let's face it, not far from the first time outside our own home country.

But our travellers guide had a nice picture of the Ramses Train Station so this was where we was headed in the pitch black Cairo night. If only our taxi driver spoke English! You should think that would be important in his profession? In the end I was reading desperately in my mini dictionary ... and this is how my first Egyptian Arabic words were : "Il mahatta...!! Mahatta Ramsis!!"

The sun rose over Egypt as we found our second class seats. Second class on purpose, we didn't want to see hoyty toyty tourists, I was there for Egypt, and Egypt was what I got.

The hours rolled by along with the landscape, and I got to see what Egypt looks like outside of the pyramids area and Nile Hilton. I saw farmers working in the fields much as they did hundreds and thousands of years ago. I saw the tractors and the trucks of the sugarcane industry.

I was brought "lep" and "shai" and slept for an hour on the shoulder of my friend, with my dream more outside the window than behind my closed eyelids.

I think I had imagined going to a country that was some kind of a museum, but here by the railway it was - more alive than ever. We went through cities that I never heard the name of before and where tourists very seldom go. Yet hundreds of thousands lived here; it is everyday Egypt.

After nine hours of shifting landscape we went off the train in Luxor and walked up Sharia Mahatta. "Finally we're here", my friend said. I just smiled to him, and I knew, that our travels had just started.

torsdag 11. oktober 2007

Story about Dave...Just for fun!!

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, 'You know, I know everyone
there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff,

'OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?'

'No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.'

So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's
door and Tom Cruise shouts, 'Dave! What's happening? Great to see you!
Come on in for a beer!

Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave
Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was
just lucky.

'No, no, just name anyone else,' Dave says.

'President Bush,' his boss quickly retorts.

'Yup,' Dave says, 'Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington.'

And off they go.

At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and
his boss over, saying, 'Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way toa
meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee first and catch up.'

Well, the boss is much shaken by now but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to
Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

'The Pope,' his boss replies.'

'Sure!' says Dave. 'I've known the Pope for years.'

So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican when
Dave says, 'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among
all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just
go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.'

He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough,
half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by
the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack
and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him,

'What happened?'

His boss looks up and says, 'It was the final straw - you and the
Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the
f***'s that on the balcony with Dave?'

(Story from Luxor4u humour section... Thanks bigken!!)

søndag 7. oktober 2007


Time itself consists of crossroads.. It is not like the road in the wood dividing, it is multiple choises all along. Every day, actually. A lot of us live by routine and don't even notice our options. We eat the same food, go to the same job, talk to the same people, read the same newspaper.

Although our options are many, and colourful as the rainbow, we tend to prefer the same kind of jam and cheese every morning.

Some of us are more alert and aware of our choises. And some crossroads are so great that no-one can avoid them, those situations that can turn your life upside down.

So here you are, you can go this way or that way, - and sometimes you know that this is a choice made only once, once you come to your conclusion... you can't ever go back. It is so easy to get paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice.

Make a desicion!! Follow your heart and go down the road it chooses. After all the only wrong choice you can really make, is NOT CHOOSING at all...!

Have a wonderful day everyone! Choose light into your lives!!

lørdag 29. september 2007

When I met Kevin...

I had a really strange experience this summer. I worked with this boy, he was an extra at thr restaurant, just sixteen years old.
But we got along really well. Both of us were very happy with each others company, and very easily did we turn a dull shift into a carnival.

His name was not kevin, far from it. But without knowing how or why, he was kevin to me. Without thinking, I would say: "Kevin, could you please..." He looked at me with a funny face, said, "My name is Not Kevin!! I was confused, didn't know why I kept saying that - but it happened again and again.

After a while my "Kevin" started liking his new name, and i made up a story about how he was this musician called Kevin in his previous life, and in that same incarnation I had been his big sister. He loved the idea and we used to have a lot of fun with this "new reality" of ours.

Sometimes I wonder though. Could there be any truth to our little fantasy together? Have you ever met anyone for the first time, feeling you already know - all there is to know about them?

søndag 23. september 2007

My tattoo! UPDATED... The reason why.

This is the original drawing for my tattoo, it is on the back of my shoulder. it is my only one, and will remain my only one (If I don't tattoo some sunflowerseeds and breadcrumbs for my bird, haha!)

The reason why:

Right before I met my husband I had this dream:

I dreamt I was a bird with one broken wing. Don't know what these birds are called in english... I was seeing this from above, this bird sort of limping around not being able to fly.

Then I saw a little sparrow coming, he flew in and gave me something, seeds I think, to eat.

I interpreted this dream as someone, seeming small and insignificant, coming along and giving me something I needed.

And then this young wonderful boy entered my life and nurtured me back to inner beauty and confidence.
He is not "Sparrow" anymore. He is a falcon, strong enough to carry me on his back. But I will never forget little bird, and he always will be that, in his heart.

lørdag 22. september 2007

The wind in your sail... *A loveletter*

I want to be the wind in your sail, that carries you into the future.

I want to be a wave in the ocean, that gently rocks you to sleep.

The sun in your life, who makes you happy and warm.

I want to be a rose in your garden, that closes its petals around your dew.

I want to be a star in your mind, that brings you hope every day.

I want to be an oak in your forest, so that you can rest in my shadow,

the earth under your feet, so you can stand solid and firm.

I want to be a fire in your heart that never dies.

I want to be the wine on your lips, that makes you want to sing and dance.

For all of these things YOU are for ME!


fredag 21. september 2007

Everyday Nile

Most tourists think about one of two when they hear the words "The Nile". They think about pharaos and Baby Moses in the basket, that is ; stories and myths from the past.
Or they think about the Nile Cruise industry, floating hotels with bars and disco, and a stop once in a while to visit a temple or museum.

But for some people the Nile is every day, it is their life and their income. I talk about the motorboat men, that let you cross the Nile for a dollar. It is the sailboat-captains and their helpers. And finally the "Nile-police", who charges fines from anyone, because they hardly get paid at all.

They can look very relaxed there they sit on a bench or stand leaned to a wall, all day long, waiting for customers. But the truth is very different. Norwegians love the sun, but the teenager who stands there, hour after hour, with no shadow and only Nile water to drink, do you think HE enjoys it?

Probably he is worrying about his family at home. And probably it will be rice and bread for dinner again today.

I met a canadian woman once in Luxor. Very proudly she announced that she had avoided being fooled earlier that day, she had been on a two hour roundtrip with fellucca sailboat, and the boys on board had told her after that the price was 50 egyptian pounds (8 dollars) and she had refused, because in her Lonely Planet it said that the price ought to be just 20!

I found this very strange. 20 egyptian pounds for two men to share? To feed two families? I had a look in her travel guide, and there it said that 20 ENGLISH pounds would be a reasonable price....Well that's something a bit different.

There is a lot of gossiping about the boatpeople. They are looked down at, regarded as lowlife and treated like cattle. Well, a young man who has been out working from he was eight, to get his siblings through school, isn't only good enough in my eyes, he's got my deepest respect.

torsdag 20. september 2007

Sekhmet, divinity and female power

Sekhmet is the name of a female deity from ancient Egypt. With the slender body of a young woman and head of a lion, she represented the most fierce and powerful aspect of women, not the domesticated cat (Bastet) and not the nurturing cow (hathor) and not the sacred mother - (That's Isis, ECD!!) But the phusical, raw and strong woman. The wild beast in the feminine nature, the part inside us that urges us to protect our young with our life.

The famous female pharaoh Hatshepsut knew the power of woman. She wore a lions' tail as part of her regalia. Why shouldn't she, as well as any man, be able to wear the title "Divine ruler of the two lands?? (Upper and lower Egypt).

Woman, know that you as well have the right to the title "Divine ruler of your own life". Never see yourself as weak, because you are not. Never see yourself as small, you are not!

Take control. And keep Sekhmet in your hearts, as a reminder of your true nature.